Leadership in Chaos: 37th edition.
the gap, listening practice, be yourself.
“Many of our deepest motives come, not from an adult logic of how things work in the world, but out of something that is frozen from childhood”.
Kazuo Ishiguro.
Culture: the gap.
In 2024, the UK royal family published a new expression of their purpose, underpinned by a refreshed set of values: “Act with Care”; “Make an Impact”; “Succeed Together”; “Stay Curious”; and “Lead by Example”. Now, as events continue to unfold and unravel for Andrew, it’s clear these are not only hollow, but dangerously misleading. It’s a good example of organisational culture in motion and the say-do gap with values. Culture is defined by the worst behaviour you tolerate, and what you’re willing to do to stay true to the values you want to uphold. If leading by example is valued, then nothing should stop that from being upheld. Regardless of the cost. Because culture lives in the gap between intention and action. A leadership team might value transparency, but if its actions contradicts this, it rips that contract to shreds. And in doing so, often creates a toxic culture in its wake.
A thought for leaders: Not a new concept, but principles cost. We believe x, even if it means y. That’s not an ad or a hope; it’s the glue that binds people together around a common purpose and gives meaning to work. Managed well, it’s an asset that guides what happens when no one’s watching. As Airbnb’s Brian Chesky said, “the stronger the culture, the less corporate process a company needs. When the culture is strong, you can trust everyone to do the right thing.” Managed badly, it’s a liability that loses trust and allows behavioural standards to be ignored. As a leader, it’s your job to close the gap and turn your culture into an asset, not a liability.
Leadership: listening practice.
Lots of leaders have open-door policies. “Whatever it is, my doors always open”, feels like the right thing to do. But saying you’ll listen, and actually listening, are two different things. If leaders are always too busy to listen, it reflects a culture where efficiency, delivery, and control are valued over listening to and hearing people. An open door is a symbol. A listening leader is a practice. Listening is a strategic skill, and orgs that listen thrive. Information flows, ideas surface early, weak signals get noticed, and people trust that their voice matters. As PhD Zach Mercurio highlights in his book The Power of Mattering: How Leaders Can Create a Culture of Significance, mattering matters. When people feel they matter, they flourish. Studies show they’re more motivated, grittier, and healthier. When they feel insignificant, they languish and feel disconnected, disengaged and anxious. Sadly, we’re in a “mattering deficit” era.
A thought for leaders: Are you listening to your teams? Really listening? Do you focus on it? Do you do the personal work to understand your own reactions, the interpersonal work to create relational safety, and the organisational work to signal that speaking up is valued and that your voice will always be heard? As Zach writes in The Power of Mattering, “Always assume the people around you feel unseen, unheard, and undervalued and act accordingly”. And that all begins with listening.
Performance: be yourself.
Authenticity feels like a leadership must have. Staying true to who you are, no mask. All feels right. Right? Well, yes. Plenty of research suggests that, on average, authenticity is positively associated with well-being. But maybe just “be yourself” is actually bad advice. According to Dr Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic‘s latest book, “Don’t Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated (and What to Do Instead)”, authenticity can backfire. Think of the colleague who “speaks their mind” in every meeting, alienating half the room. Or the manager who “follows their gut” despite clear data suggesting otherwise. Additionally, being “yourself” assumes a few things. That there’s a fixed version of you (there’s not – social psychology suggests the self is dynamic). That this true self will work well in every context (it won’t – different situations activate different versions of ourselves). And that social life doesn’t require performance (it does – even if clear on values, you still have to decide what to show and what not to show, how to speak, what to say).
A thought for leaders: Tomas suggests, instead of expressing whatever feels most “authentic” in the moment, we should learn to manage ourselves deliberately. Personality, emotions, and instincts are raw materials to be shaped. So, a little less self-expression, a little more self-control. This approach recognises the fluid nature of self, the need for agility in self, and that a certain amount of performance is integral to social life. It doesn’t mean you’re not you, it just means you’re smart about presenting the best you, for whatever situation you’re in, for your best advantage.
Podcast: Ep 68: Confessions of a Guru – Part 1: The Say-Do Gap
We’ve included this episode because it relates to the first theme of this edition: the “Say-Do” gap that is often found in organisations’ cultures and values. In this episode, Ian recalls an experience with a client where the “Say- Do” gap was evident and explains how to recognise and close that gap.
You can listen to it here.
Enjoy revisiting or newly discovering it 😊
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P.S. This month’s featured artist is Elena Paraskeva, a freelance portrait photographer based in Cyprus. Her story starts with being confined to her home due to an illness. When she recovered, she was eager to capture anything and everything on camera. But she didn’t feel like landscapes were really expressive enough for her, so she got into portraiture. She says, “With portraiture, you can immortalise a specific person and their feelings in an absolutely unique way. A fleeting moment on someone’s face can result in something so dramatic and memorable, and for those non-candid portraits that involve a level of metamorphosis, well then you get to create a piece of art that’s completely unique to you”.
